Consider this a Warning 2

Today, I watched a video in which a skateboarder tried to do a crazy stunt and ended up falling, breaking his leg and having the bone come so far out of the leg he broke that it stabbed the other leg. My first reaction was one of shock, which turned to sympathy, which then turned into ridicule. After about two minutes of unnecessary replays, I was laughing at the guy and at skateboarders in general. Why? Because skateboarding, in my opinion, is the most pointless form of artificial transport since the human catapult and butt lube. And since neither of those two became popular forms of transport, I don’t see why skateboards have become so famous. Sometimes, I think that if football is the reason people get concussions and can’t think right, then maybe football is the reason people skateboard, because there is no other explanation for why you would want to stand on a board and either roll down a slope with a high risk of losing control and finding yourself flying face first into the first tree that comes in your way or the unbearable inconvenience of pushing your entire body weight up a slope with only one leg.

And then there are those guys that do stunts on their board. As if people jumping up for no reason and twisting their ankles was not enough, these guys have to go and jump up on a skateboard and risk stabbing themselves with parts of their own skeletal system. Unbelievable stupidity, you ask? Well, I think some guys in tight jeans and white-soled shoes will disagree. They call it cool that they can perform these extraordinary feats. Passion, they say. Love for the sport. Of course, both passion and love for the sport don’t pay the medical bills. And chances are, if you have enough time to practice skateboard tricks, you’re not paying those bills either. So, who is paying those bills? Well, it’s those idiots who sit around and watch the idiot skateboarders do their helplessly pointless tricks and call the tricks cool. And by that, I mean the taxpayers. Well, at least till the skateboarders beg and plead and sneak quarters from under their parents’ bed when their parents are busy having sex.

So, all you people who are encouraging this moronic behavior, get a life. Watch a movie or some porn or something. And all you skateboarders, get a bike. When you roll down the sidewalks on those un-tire-d, unpadded wheels, everybody hates you for making a racket. And when you try and jump around and do your (not so) fancy tricks and fall on your face, everybody laughs at you. Then they go home and tell their girlfriends/boyfriends about you falling on your freakin’ FACE. And then you become an official loser, and nobody wants to hang out with you. And who knows? You might be rolling down the sidewalk one day and find yourself tipped over by a “rogue” elbow, and before you can say “What the fuck,” you’ll find yourself under the wheels of the RU. So, make sure to check my schedule and stay away from your boards when I’m walking around, because I WILL make an example out of you. Consider this a warning.